Pivotal of us
by theramblingfangirl
Summary: In bad times, sometimes people think of better ones to cope. So in a very bad situation Pivot doesn't see any way out of, he finds himself thinking back to a very good one. (IDW continuity)


This was it!

It was almost time!

Pivot wasn't the bravest of individuals by a long shot. In fact, it could be guaranteed that he wasn't even in the rankings for brave individuals. Doing pointless bravery was just guaranteed to get yourself killed in some painful and pointless way in his opinion.

Something he'd very much like not to happen to him.

But this shouldn't be too bad. He could do this.

He could do it for _Tumbler_ , a mech who made him feel very happy. Very, _very_ happy.

He felt the corners of his mouth creeping up despite himself right now even _thinking_ about the upcoming transmission!

It had been so, _so_ long since they'd last been able to just talk, far too long since they'd been able to do more than the most basic of transmissions to let the other know they were even still alive.

But now, now...now it was going to happen! Now, in just a short period of time he would excuse himself and go off somewhere private, somewhere that their conversation wouldn't be overheard and put in some measures, so it wouldn't be intercepted and just...have an actual conversation! A full, real one with the mech he-

 _...Well..._

...

...He was _really_ looking forward to that transmission.

* * *

 _He didn't want to look at it. He didn't. He didn't want to be forced to acknowledge how real all of this was but at the same time he couldn't help it._

 _He couldn't even bring him to stop shaking either. Despite how even the tiniest bit of movement would set off a fresh bout of pain, and any attempt to not react, knowing such a thing would only make this even worse, would immediately fail._

 _He was far too much of a coward for any other possible result._

 _Always has been and always would...always...he..._

 _...but there wasn't going to be any more "always", was there?_

 _This was it._

* * *

"I've got something I'd like to give you."

Looking back on it Pivot really wished his first response to that hadn't been a flat "What."

But Tumbler had for some reason seemed to thankfully find it more endearing than anything.

But Tumbler had also refused to disclose any more than that. He had something he wanted to give him. _Something_.

Which meant Pivot had another problem.

As in, how was he supposed to know what sort of thing to get to give the mech in return, if he didn't know what Tumbler was getting _him in the first place?_

Then there was also the matter of how both of them were supposed to meet without anyone else finding out.

These actual physical meetings were always the best _and_ the worst sort because of that. Each time they did it he just had this feeling that was almost _intoxicating_ but at the same time his self-preservation instincts, the entire reason he'd managed to _survive_ this long in the war, would scream at him about how bad an idea this was.

 _You know what will happen if you get caught Pivot._

 _To both of you._

But Tumbler had promised a safe route would be sorted and he'd never let him down on something like that before. He'd just have to...

He'd just have to do his best to trust him.

* * *

 _They were going to kill him, they were going to kill him, they were going to kill him, they were going to kill him!_

 _That horrific, burning, terrifying truth that constricted his very spark had kept repeating over and over in his head from the moment he realised that no matter where or how he looked he couldn't see a way out._

 _No way to run. Nowhere to go even if he did. Not with where he was. Not in the condition he was in._

 _He wouldn't get far._

* * *

He didn't have far to go now!

He was almost there!

And he was looking forward to seeing Tumbler's face when he saw what he'd brought for him

That way that, no matter the faceplate, you could just tell when he was smiling under it. You could hear it and you could see it in that way his optics shone just that bit brighter…

Although, really, he was looking forward to seeing that face at all when it came to it.

The smiling would just be a _bonus._

And Pivot was sure he would be able to get one out of him with his gift.

He'd been practicing after all. Energon goodies weren't easy to make, especially not with what he had to work with, but he thought that these ones…well…he _knew_ these ones had turned out well. Had a nice taste to them.

…He'd had to test them somehow.

And he'd only had a few.

Wasn't that bad.

 _Most_ would still make it to Tumbler.

And most was still a lot. No need to feel guilty about it. Why should the mech?

Tumbler would never even know.

…And it was still special. Specially made for him…For _them._

As it was, here he was! The meet up place!

His pace quickened to make those final few steps as one of Pivot's hands tightened on the box he was carrying. And when he did close those steps he excitedly raised one of those hands to knock-

"Good luck!"

Who…who was that? _Who was that!?_

That wasn't Tumbler. That _definitely_ wasn't Tumbler. He'd know his voice immediately anywhere.

Somebody he didn't recognise was inside.

 _No!_

He needed to go now. He needed to move now. He could not be seen by this mech. He-

The door he had just been about to knock slid open.

And in front of Pivot stood the stranger. Masked face. Blue. Looked like a flyer. Red badge so an _autobot_. _He-_

"Oh! Hello! You must be Tumbler's- "

" _Brainstorm!"_ Tumbler himself quickly spoke out, either to chastise or to remind this _Brainstorm_ of something. Or both.

"Sorry, sorry! Got to go! Bye!"

The very _excited_ looking bot took off and Pivot, who had been frantically trying to decide how to react, was left wondering what exactly had just happened.

"Ah…what was that!?" He asked, as he stepped inside and shut the door of behind him.

Just in case anyone _else_ turned up.

Tumbler let out an exasperated vent as he made his own steps forwards towards Pivot. "A friend." He reached out a hand. "Don't worry, he won't say anything."

Pivot took it with his own but didn't entirely relax.

"He's trustworthy?"

"…With this, yes."

He supposed he'd have to take that and try continuing with what was supposed to be their _date_.

"I've got you something." He continued, before leaning up to plant a kiss on Tumbler's faceplate. He then held out the box, a box which Tumbler stared at, but made no move to take it.

"Energon goodies! I made it for- is something wrong?" He was acting weird.

"I can take it back. If you want." Pivot tried not to sound dejected as he spoke.

"No! No, thank you it's _perfect_. And nothing's wrong, the opposite, actually." By now Pivot was sure he knew his tones enough to tell it was sincere but…he still made no move to take it. His hands remained exactly where they were.

One holding his, the other…the other _behind his back._

Ahh. _"I've got something I'd like to give you."_ He had a feeling he knew where that _something_ was.

"What you got there?" Pivot tried to lean around the bigger mech to have a look.

Tumbler moved away instead to prevent that, dropping Pivot's hand while he did.

He looked like he was trying to brace himself for something, rubbing the back of his helm, looking around, shuffling his pedes.

Then he seemed to resolve himself and reclosed the gap between him and Pivot.

"Pivot, my love…" Both of Tumbler's hands closed around Pivot's free one, and he could feel some sort of cylinder being pressed into it.

"You mean, _everything_ to me. The time I spend with you, it's the happiest I _ever am,_ and I've been wanting to ask this for _so long_." A deep vent from him as he slowly removed his hands from Pivot's making sure he did not drop what it now contained.

Pivot looked down to see just what that was and… _was that- ?!_

"Do you want to be my conjunx endura?"

 _It was._

Thinking back on it, there were _so many_ things Pivot could have said in response to the _proposal_. Good things that would have been good for such a big moment. _Huge_ moment. Even a big speech about how he felt too and how much the mech standing in front of him meant to him, he could _do_ speeches.

So many things he could have just _done_ too.

Like _kiss him_.

But in the actual moment, the shock of it, the swirling emotions, that he'd brought Tumbler energon goodies when he'd brought him some of his own _innermost energon and asked to be conjunx endura_ …

The first thing he did was look from the gift in one hand from Tumbler to that which was supposed to given to Tumbler, before blurting out a different sort of confession.

The _wrong_ confession.

"I ate all the best ones!"

There was a mutually stunned klik of silence.

And then Tumbler burst out laughing.

* * *

 _Tumbler…_

 _He'd tried not thinking about it too much, he had._

 _But even now, in this terrifying mess he'd gotten himself, even now when the pain was so bad it was hard to think at all, he found himself falling into memories with him._

 _His conjunx who, damnit, despite everything that should have meant otherwise he had somehow loved and had somehow loved him in return._

 _His conjunx who he missed, the memories reopening the rawness of that._

 _It had been so long now since he'd been able to see him and…and so much stuff had happened that he probably thought him long offline._

 _And with the state he was in now…he had to think, even if he somehow got out of this, if he somehow got lucky and lived, if they somehow managed to see each other again… would Tumbler even be able to recognise him anymore?_

* * *

He was woken up by not a bang, not the sound of any steps, but the little click of a door closing.

Upon which he became painstakingly aware of the empty nature of the berth behind him.

Pivot tensed but stayed still, debating whether to online his optics as he tried to listen to whether this was his conjunx was leaving or returning

Conjunx.

Conjunx, conjunx, _conjunx_. It still felt _weird_ to think about him as that. But a _good_ weird. A _fantastic_ weird.

But…this sneaking discovery wasn't surprising. No. It was _worrying._

The quiet footsteps were getting closer, so it seemed that Tumbler was sneaking back in rather than out.

Pivot had been hoping his suspicions had be wrong. Paranoia.

But since they'd started being able to spend more time together, steal away more moments before they had to go back to each of their own or risk getting caught…it had started with a knocked lid. A lid on a box of specially made energon treats knocked just a bit ajar.

The clues and concern had started adding up over time from there.

The subject of that concern had made his way back to the berth now and could be felt moving himself on in what was an obviously failed attempt to not disturb or wake him.

And again, Pivot had to decide if now he should online his optics and say something.

 _What are you doing Tumbler? Where are you going? Is everything okay? Is this injecting again? Am I going to wake up one day and find out you're gone and never coming back?_

Arms and legs wrapping around him from behind, helm tucking on top of his. First tense, but then he could feel him gently relaxing into him as he prepared to go back to into recharge.

And that just made it even harder.

It was tempting to just let that be that. To simply be _happy_ with what he had, with _this_. To try ignore the issue and just drift back off into recharge too…it would be so easy…

…But they did enough of that already.

Even _now_ Tumbler was doing it.

The exact same thing both of them kept doing, aware of it or not.

As if arms strategically placed to cover each other's badges up, as if not allowing yourself to look at them for too long would change the fact that one was purple and the other _was not_.

That one was a decepticon and the other _was not._

Ignoring _that_ was one thing already, one _big_ thing which could never be changed no matter how much they might want it to and was never going to go away no matter how much they tried to ignore it.

But this, where for all he knew Tumbler could be suffering or in some big danger, or _both_ if he was going off to do risky injections…he could try fix this at least.

Not ignore it, or passively hope for the best

Because this was his _conjunx_ and he was _worried_ for him.

For the autobot he _stupidly_ loved.

So _no_. No avoiding it. He would not avoid this.

They had to recognise this and they had to talk!

Pivot onlined his optics as he moved his hand to grab his conjunx's, intertwining their digits together with a squeeze.

"Tumbler?"

* * *

" _Stop!"_

 _Strange, he didn't think he'd said anything out loud. But even so, he let himself hope that maybe, just maybe if he could keep his tormentor's attention, it hadn't worked before, but maybe this time if he was just disarming enough with what he said…_

" _Stop you gearhead! Turn it off! Haven't you heard the orders?"_

 _No. It wasn't him talking._

 _But the wheel stopped all the same and he let out a sob of relief at that, not even able to bring himself to be ashamed at the sound._

 _He didn't know why, but he was not going to question the reason for being spared! He was going to get to live! That's what mattered! He was getting to survive! He was very big on that fact._

" _What orders?" Demanded the one who had been operating the wheel._

" _All executions have been cancelled. All prisoners are sent to be reformatted instead. Got a better use for the lot."_

 _The new entry turned to face him on the traitor's wheel, after looking down at the datapad in their hand._

" _Seems your re-assignment was delayed because we've got two names down for you here. Your old one and the one you used to run. Makes filing more difficult." They grumbled._

" _But today's your lucky day. Now's your chance to redeem yourself from your cowardice."_

… _He didn't like the look on that mech's face._

" _Welcome to K-class, Fulcrum."_


End file.
